What is the truth? Seems like a simple enough question that might have a simple enough answer. But to a young boy trying to figure out how the world actually works it might take on a somewhat different light.
Imagine that you are in the presence of the emissary of God himself (or herself or whatever???).
Now imagine that you are about to experience something that you can’t really fathom ….. your First Confession (please note the capitalized F and C). Well a young boy has little understanding of what the heck that really is and I would claim that most adults have as little a true understanding.
I had transferred from St. Anne’s Elementary School to St. Joseph’s Elementary School in 3rd or 4th grade. Somewhere in that time frame we had been taught the lessons on how to “confess” our “sins”. I cannot recall the lessons however I do recall one moment of my First Confession.
As with all things Catholic the “ceremony” was emphasized to the maximum and as was usual when the class went to Church, we marched up the hill, in double file, to Saint Vincent de Paul church, the French Cathedral.
The cathedral was a typical Catholic church. Big stone blocks ….. very imposing ……. Once there, we all waited …… the silence of the room is very imposing to say the least …… we wait our “turn” to do this thing that none of use really knows ……. on our knees in the pews of the church.
The confessional is something in itself …. A very ornate little building inside the church. (Here is a good example). The priest enters the middle door before we even arrive at the church.
Usually in most churches there will be one of these confessionals on each side of the main chamber as you enter the room. Some larger churches will have more. The priest is in the center cubicle and you never really see him. Then on each side of his little cubicle are two other doors. Above each of these side doors there is a red and green light. Red when the confessional booth is occupied (confessing) and as the person leaves the light turns green …. it is your turn to enter your side. So the idea is that the priest is listening to the confession of the child that entered before you on the
other side of the confessional …… It allows for faster turn over – LOL
One by one each of us young ones is instructed to enter the door on “the other side” from where the last person entered. I remember clearly I went to the left door. Of course the first time you go in you have no idea what to expect …… You open the door and it is dark ….. The booth is like a tiny, dark shower stall ….. There is a kneeling pad to kneel on against one side and as you kneel your face is up against the wall of the booth. So immediately in front of your face is a wooden lattice backed by what appears as more wood …… as you kneel there you wait …. You hear murmurs ….. whispers too soft to make out anything ….. You are not supposed to hear your friends confession …… it is between the priest and your school mate …… you only hear the whispers …… you cannot see anything other than the wood lattice and ……..
So there you are …… waiting ….. then without warning …… the sound of the lattice window ……. swisshhhhhh …… a wooden panel slides back and there, from behind the wooden lattice …… a voice …… and the “almost image” of the dimly lit priest behind the screen …….. a vivid memory ……. You are right up close to him as he leans in toward you ……. you only see the side of his head through the opening … Without any “How Do You Do’s” or anything ……. the emissary of God says in almost a whisper “How have you sinned my son?”
Whoa! Wait a minute here! Here I am ….. a 10-11 years old boy …… Have never really thought much about anything except Bugs Bunny cartoons and whether or not the Roadrunner was too cruel to the Coyote on Saturday morning cartoons ……. Sinned? …. Maybe we had talked about this confession thing in class but ……. this is the next thing to God you are talking to here ….. to actually think about what to confess ….. I was dumbfounded ……. my first reaction and what I said was “I haven’t done any sins” ……. the response from the priest was “well of course you have …… we all sin my son” ……
So I thought quickly and said that I had lied to my mother …… I may very well have lied to her but my recollection is that I had not ….. I know that I had fed our dog Lucky from the kitchen table and we weren’t supposed to do that ….. maybe I had told her that I had not fed the dog …… maybe not! …… anyway ….. it was the best I could do in the moment ….. LOL
In any case ……. . The FEAR OF GOD!!!!!! ….. Oh my god!!!! What is a young boy to think??
So there it is …. A truth!! Under pressure from the emissary of God …… he told me that we all sinned …… I had to say something …… did I tell a lie to GOD …….
I believe the priest ordered me to do 10 Hail Maries and 10 Our Fathers and that was it ……… I figured ….. well ….. that’s not so bad now is it? ….. It’s no wonder that all those mobsters were Catholic ….. a little murder here ….. some violence there …… a few Hail Marys and a few Our Fathers and all is good!!!!!
Oh my!! ……. Did the Catholic Church teach me to lie?
Since first writing this story I have shared its’ essence with several people all of whom experienced the same thing ……. imagine the societal damage that the church has inflicted over the years …… unfathomable!!!
